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Looking for ways to make your partner feel loved? According to studies, the more a person provides their partner with their most desired love language, the happier they will be in the relationship. So, words of affirmation love language can actually work wonders for your relationship.
But what are words of affirmation? To answer this question, we talked to psychotherapist Dr Aman Bhonsle (PhD, PGDTA), who specializes in relationship counseling and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy.
What Are Words Of Affirmation — Know From The Expert
In his famous book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts, marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman has condensed his learning from his years of experience into five love languages:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Acts of service
- Gifts
- Physical touch
So, words of affirmation are written or spoken words to uplift, empathize and show support to your partner. It is one of the five love languages which specify a certain way of giving and receiving love in a relationship.
Among all the different love languages are concerned Dr. Bhonsle believes that words of affirmation are one of the most desirable ways of showing affection. “Quite like physical touch in the form of hugs, using positive affirmations relieves the nagging burden that human beings carry. From the time we are born until we are dead, we are constantly shaped and molded by society. Very often people don’t know who they actually are.
“Most people carry guilt and self-doubt because that’s how they have been made to feel. They believe themselves to be the problem. They believe they are not good enough for the people, society, or even the world. So when you speak words of affirmation to someone like that, it uplifts them and helps lighten this emotional baggage that they carry.”
Related Reading: The 5 Types Of Love Languages And How To Use Them For Happy Relationships
Furthermore, Dr. Bhonsle explains everyone is trying to make you palatable for their own journey. The desire to preserve yourself to outlast dubious circumstances is a primary instinct every human being has. By fortifying or adding, you are reminding them that they have been carrying this burden for too long now and that it is good to let it down sometimes.
Examples Of Words Of Affirmation
If you want to say something cheesy to express love to your partner and make them feel good, don’t worry, we’ve got your back! Below are a few examples of words of affirmation. Fortunately in this matter, one size fits all.
- I love you
- You are so special to me
- You inspire me to….
- I really appreciate you when you do….
- I feel so loved when you…
- I am proud of you for always trying…
- Thank you for being a wonderful listener
- I hope you know how much you mean to me
- I love that I can be myself with you
- You’re so kind
- I love how well you understand me
- Thank you for being in my life
- I’m sorry I hurt you
- You’re such a good lover
- We make a great team
- I’m so lucky to be with you
- You look amazing!
- You make my heart sing
- I couldn’t do this without you
- I trust you
- I believe in you
- I need you
- You’re just perfect for me
- I love our life together
- You are doing a great job
Related Reading: How To Say “I Love You” In 10 Different Languages?
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Benefits Of Words Of Affirmation
Life is a roller coaster with its ups and downs. The lows of life can get to us and alter the way we perceive things around us, including ourselves. These negative thoughts have a major impact on our life and health. This is where the words of affirmation love language becomes important. Here are some of its benefits:
- Helps battle negative thoughts and sheds light on your loved one’s positive traits, especially on a bad day
- Keeps the romantic spark alive and the relationship feels fresh/exciting even after years
- Kind words lead to a better connection and increased emotional intimacy
- Acts as a way to express love clearly and show that you’re grateful/not taking them for granted
- Instills a greater sense of self-worth and acts as a motivating/encouraging agent
Signs Your Love Language Is Words Of Affirmation
If you or your partner value communication and words more than other gestures in your relationship, it is highly likely that your primary love language is words of affirmation. As we go further into this piece, we will help you understand how you can use this love language to add new colors to the canvas of your relationship. Here are some signs that will help you determine your primary love language:
- You are thrilled when you hear compliments and words of praise
- You love it when people say they value your existence in their lives and that they care about you
- You are a sucker for expressions of love and romance through words
Why Do Some People Need Words Of Affirmation
In modern relationships, primary love languages are an important aspect of showing your partner that you care for them. Especially with the growing distance between people due to the work pressures in people’s lives and distractions such as social media, using positive affirmations with one’s partner/spouse has become more vital than ever.
Words of affirmation as a love language are essentially positive verbal confirmations of your emotions and feelings. To be precise, this particular form of love language uses loving and encouraging words as well as compliments, romantic quotes/poems, kind remarks, and appreciation. Using positive verbal communication to convey your feelings to your partner is known as one of the simpler yet healthier practices. And all it requires is more words.
How To Ask For More Words of Affirmation
It is very rare for two people in the relationship to have the same love language. Once you have figured out your love languages, the next step is make sure you receive or are shown love in your love language. If your love language is words of affirmation, then here are some ways you can receive more words of them.
1. Communicate your needs
No matter what kind of relationship you have, be it a husband-wife, parent-child, or siblings, it cannot sustain without communication. Lack of communication in a relationship can have dire effects. So, the next step after figuring out your love language is to communicate your needs to your partner.
Be honest and open up about what you need in the relationship. Tell your partner that you would like them to use more words of love, kindness, appreciation and encouragement. Taking this first step will sort most of your problems.
2. Be grateful
When you receive compliment and appreciation from your partner or others, refrain from becoming cocky and saying things like ” Tell me something i already don’t know” Or “Obvious much!” While it is ok to joke around once in a while,showing conciet has a negative effect on people. It discourage them to use affirming words in future.
Instead when a person is using words of positive affirmations, acknowledge them and thank them. Seeing your gratitude will encourage them to continue showering you with more words of affirmation in the future.
3. Talk about the love languages
Unfotunately there are a lot of people who are unaware of the different love languages. Talk to your partner about the 5 love languages and help them figure out theirs. This is will not only help them to understand your needs, but also become a little more self aware and will be able to communicate their own needs better. Knowing each other love languages helps build a stronger relationship.
Tips On How to Speak This Love Language
10. You’re so kind
11. I love how well you understand me
12. Thank you for being in my life
13. I’m sorry I hurt you
14. You’re such a good lover
15. We make a great team
16. I’m so lucky to be with you
17. You look amazing!
18. You make my heart sing
19. I couldn’t do this without you
20. I trust you
21. I believe in you
22. I need you
23. You’re just perfect for me
24. I love our life together
25. You are doing a great job.
Tips On How to Speak This Love Language
“I go to work at around 11 am, while my husband goes to work at around 5 am. When I wake up, I find a sticky note next to my bedside which says, ‘You’re the best thing that has happened to me, I love you.’ This happens every morning and it just makes me feel loved and makes my day,” says Ashley (32), a chartered accountant.
Where positive verbal communication is concerned, leaving a sweet note for your partner by the bedside, on the kitchen counter or in their office bag is one of the many ways affirmations can be expressed. In fact, it also works for people who have gift giving or acts of service as their primary love language.
Dr. Bhonsle says, “Don’t hold back on affirmation of love with the people you genuinely care about. Express it while everyone is still healthy and alive and coherent in the way they think. Do it sooner rather than later, life is not endless, people die, fall ill, go to different countries, they go through a personal crisis. Like the Nike slogan says, “Just do it.” There is no “How?” when offering words of affirmation, it is only a matter of will you or won’t you. Verbal expression of love and appreciation is a psychological antiseptic to the pain and confusions of being human.”
If your partner’s primary love language is words of affirmation then you will have to find ways to communicate to them using positive verbal expression. We bring you a few tips on how to speak words of affirmation love language:
1. Be authentic
If your partner’s primary love language is words of love affirmation, then you have to make sure that the appreciations or encouragement you show is authentic. On the flip side if your partner has a nose for false platitudes and he feels you are faking your emotions, then you will further dent his self esteem.
June and Jessica have a ritual of kissing each other every morning as they leave for work. They kiss, look each other in the eye while embracing each other, and say, “I love you, babe!” It’s cheesy, but making eye contact while expressing love speaks volumes and fortifies the sincerety of the emotions. For those few moments, there is just love and them, and nothing else.
2. Be empathetic
Being empathetic is very important, and conveying this empathy through verbal communication is equally important. If your partner is feeling low, then give them a little pep talk and tell them that you acknowledge their feelings and that you’re there for them.
“I’m so sorry you are going through a difficult time at work. I love you and I am here for you” is one of the examples of pep talks that will become a source of their strength during a trying time.
Related Reading: How To Write A Love Letter | Tips, Ideas, And Examples
3. Show your appreciation
We all need to hear words of appreciation, no matter what we do. In a relationship, it’s important that appreciation and validation is practised every day. Using positive words along with quality time will help your highly sensitive partner thrive and feel safe in the relationship. So, use positive words of affirmation love language as often as possible.
Beth and Randal were having a pretty nasty fight about how Randal was never home and how Beth had to take up all the responsibility for the kids. Shots were being fired from both sides and the situation was escalating rapidly until Randal blurted out something unusual. In the heat of the moment, he said, “Beth you are a superhero with the way you manage everything, I am working on being more like you, but it’ll take time.”
And just like that, he defused the whole situation. His words were not premeditated, but he spoke in the love language she understood. That is the power of affirming words.
4. Say “I love you” a lot
“My boyfriend says ‘I love you’ all the time. Initially, I used to find it tiring but now I have gotten used to it. It makes me feel loved now,” says Nichole (23) student.
If your partner’s primary love language is words of affirmation, then they too will never get tired of hearing ‘I love you.’ So make sure you keep dropping it every now and then. The more words of love(written words or spoken words), the happier they will be.
5. Mail them a letter
This one is my personal favorite. I know, I know! Who wants to write a letter when we can just send a text or email? Right?! But trust me nothing can make you feel as special as a handwritten love letter from your loved one. The fact that you took out time to write a love letter speaks volumes and will take your partner by surprise. The good kind.
Harry was on a camping trip and was gonna be gone for a couple of weeks. Andy had been loathing this time as the absence of cell reception had made communication impossible. One morning he received a postcard from the mountains with the message being, “I wish you were here as I sit here by the cliff thinking of you, H”. Andy could only smile as it acted as a reassurance that his partner was thinking about him even when they were apart.
Related Reading: 10 Signs You’re In A Committed Relationship
6. Post-it notes
Sticky notes are one of the best inventions, I must say, especially when you have affirmation of love on them. They become something you never want to get rid of. It always feels good to receive little love notes on post-it in your bedroom, kitchen, living room, study table, or even the bathroom mirror. Leaves you feeling appreciated
While leaving little love notes on the bathroom mirror is an adorable idea. You can go the eco-friendly way and send little words of affirmation through text messages in the middle of the day. No matter which one of the 5 love languages your partner has, they will appreciate it nonetheless.
7. Give them a shout out
It’s important to appreciate each other’s success and achievements. Make sure to pay compliments to your partner in front of other people. Tell them how proud you are and that you appreciate using the right, positive words of love affirmation. Don’t overdo it and embarrass your partner though. Keep it plain and simple, which will touch your partner’s heart in many ways. It’s a great way to fill your partner’s love tank.
It is not necessary to use grand gestures to give your partner a shout-out. You don’t need to write best selling books and dedicate it to them( though if you do that, more power to you). You could just write a short note of appreciation on the title page before gifting them a book from their favourite author. Or just compliment them on how amazing they look on your date night and appreciate their effort in getting dressed for you. It is always the little things that matter.
Key Pointers
- Expressing words of appreciation gratitude and encouragement is a love language
- Words of affirmation love language is the easiest and healthiest of all the other languages
- It’s very important to know what love language does your partner speak
If you are taking the time to read this, make a move now and put this into practice. It doesn’t hurt to support, compliment, appreciate and show gratitude and love verbally to your partner. The more you communicate, the more healthy and emotionally satisfying love relationships you will endure. And once you start to do it, don’t forget to applaud yourselves for embarking on the path of making words of affirmation your love language.
This article has been updated in November 2022
FAQ’s
The five different types of love languages are defined as quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.
No, not at all! One must remember that a person whose love language is words of affirmation love language is someone who is very attentive and remembers even the smallest details about you. Let’s be honest, who doesn’t like attention coming from their partners.
You need to up your word skills — it’s all about wordplay! Appreciate, compliment, show gratitude, be proud and be vocal. Express as much as you can and be honest and genuine about it.
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